Dreaming of Another Life
by Rainey Lennyn
Summary: Years down the road, Zander and Courtney both have dreams of an alternate reality where they didn't make all their mistakes. Please RR!
1. Default Chapter

It was just another sunny, summery Port Charles morning with cheerful rays of sun peeking through curtains and flowers blooming on terraces. Birds sang joyfully and the streets were busy with smiling people. The world was a walking musical of delight except for inside one particularly dirty apartment. Zander Smith cursed as he stubbed his toe for the tenth time that week on the broken end of his couch. Muttering growls under his breath he cracked open his kitchen window just enough to catch the scent of breakfast wafting from Kelly's and the excited sounds of children passing by. He scowled deeper. There was something wrong with the world when it was this happy. Things weren't supposed to go well in this part of New York and he didn't trust when they did. At a rather exuberant childish squeal he was half tempted to throw his coffee mug down at them but forcefully resisted. Instead he took a hearty swig of the acidic black oil and grimaced at the rancid gritty taste. It hadn't been a recent brew of coffee; and if he remembered correctly it dated a week old. He shook his head, reluctantly sniffing the fragrant air. Maybe Kelly's wasn't such a bad idea. 

Throwing on his old black leather coat he caught a glimpse of himself before he headed out the door. He hadn't shaved lately, having been too caught up with cases at work and a deeply etched 30 year old face frowned back at him. He was the first to admit he looked haggard and too aged for his youth. He shrugged to himself; what did he care if he looked grungy or old? He had no one to impress. Deep inside he felt a familiar pang that he couldn't bring himself to name. There was a hollow loneliness that caused him to ignore the mirror everyday and bury himself at work. He couldn't get climb out of it no matter how he hard he tried. Inside his head his lost love's name echoed down his chest to rattle around his empty heart.

Almost violently he swore again and tore out the door, slamming it behind him. He wasn't gonna allow memories to distract him. He was an adult now; albeit a miserable, lonesome one. His work was all he had, though enforcing the laws was something he hadn't ever expected to. When his gangster days had run their course and he was tired of the drama and pain of the fast lane, he decided wanted something steady to keep him busy. And since crime and its dealings were the only things he knew, joining the police force had come as a natural choice. It was even gratifying to see some of the thugs he used to deal with finally be brought to justice. When Mac Scorpio retired from the role of police commissioner, Zander's impeccable record and drive had gotten him the job almost immediately. That's all his life was these days.

He stalked into Kelly's, pulling his collar up and swooping down on his favorite table, far away from everyone else. He signaled to the waitress who scuttled over, poured his coffee and hurried away without another word. All the employees knew the drill; they were to stay out of his way and he would tip generously. But after all, who's gonna bother the police commissioner? Stretching his long legs underneath the table, he picked up the paper and absently shuffled through it. There was rarely anything in it he didn't already know. His eyes were drawn to a certain announcement and his stomach twisted into unexpected knots. It read- **Prince Nikolas Cassadine and Dr. Emily Quartermaine-Cassadine welcome the birth of their first child. Princess Paige Morgan Cassadine was born July 15- **

Zander threw down the newspaper vehemently, stamping his dirty boots on it angrily, the fact that he was affected by it making him even angrier. A voice in front of him asked amusedly,

"Bad article?"

Courtney Matthews, formerly Quartermaine and Morgan, smiled at him tentatively. She was one of the few people who was never afraid to approach Zander since he'd turned to the straight and narrow. Zander motioned her to take a seat and coughed,

"Uh, yeah, you could say that."

She picked up the now torn paper despite his protests and sighed as she read it. She nodded,

"I figured that's what it might be. Wow, you look like crap, Zander."

"You're no peach yourself," he snapped but grinned reluctantly. They had both been through their share of trouble brought on by the mob, wrong choices and lost loved ones. Courtney had never quite regained her natural glow since her marriage to Jason Morgan had gone kaput. She lacked her old vibrancy and often looked pale and tired. The binge of painkillers and alcohol she had fell into again after her divorce had left its toll. She still managed a smile, no matter how wan; something Zander couldn't claim. Courtney patted his hand in the old, friendly manner they were comfortable with.

"Are you okay?"

"Me? Yeah, sure, why wouldn't I be? Ancient history, that's all that is," he scoffed. She didn't look convinced.

"Yes but its your ancient history," she said softly. "You and I both know how hard it is to get over some things."

"Hey I'm fine," Zander held his hands up. "I've got a successful career and look what you've done with Kelly's. You've made more business than Bobbie did in years of ownership. You're a real entrepreneur these days."

Courtney looked around her affectionately and rubbed her arms as she embraced it. She shrugged,

"I just love this place. This is where I got my start and when I worked here, even in all my delusions of happiness, I was content. When I worked here I had hope. So now owning this place just gives hope. Do you have any, Zander?"

"Hope?" His brown eyes widened at the skepticism in the though. "I don't have time for hope. My life's got a strict purpose and hope's not exactly a requisite."

Courtney nodded and sipped her coffee quietly.

"Remember when I was new in town? You were one of the first people to extend a hand to me. I've always been grateful for that."

"Yeah well, when I first came to Port Charles, there was a couple people who did the same for me. I think its good karma to keep the chain going."

"Somehow you don't strike as the kind of person who would believe in that mumbo jumbo," she laughed, the smile lighting up her face and reminding him of the young girl she was when they met.

"I didn't until I woke up one morning, thought of all the lives I've helped ruin and then looked in the mirror. I'm telling you-karma's just another word for payback and payback will always be a bitch."

Courtney sighed,

"I know. Look at what's happened to us, Zander. Where did we lose sight of what was good for us?"

Zander locked his arms behind his head and his face grew softly thoughtful.

"Well, Court, our downfalls probably came with love. Who we chose to love, more importantly."

"Sometimes I wonder how my life would be different if I hadn't learned I was a mob boss' sister and then married his bodyguard. Do you ever wonder stuff like that?"

"Sure. Who doesn't? I wonder why I ever kidnapped a little rich girl in the first place and then why did I fall in love with her? I think people like you and me who get caught up in other people's lives and choices will always live with regrets."

Courtney's blue eyes looked honestly into his and they twinkled.

"That's what I love about you, Zander. We understand each other and it's not like we're good buddies or anything. But when we do share company, it feels like you're my best friend. Hey, here's a thought. Maybe we knew each other in a past life or alternate reality."

Zander stood, feeling much lighter than when he had enetered the restaurant.

"Keep dreaming, Courtney. Neither of us believes in that stuff.


	2. Chapter 2

That night after a long night that had been full of petty crimes and endless paperwork, Zander shuffled into his dark apartment. Groaning a yawn he grabbed a beer from his fridge and fell into his favorite chair, almost dying from the comfort he felt. Stretching his feet he noticed distantly that one of socks had holes in the toe area. This was his last thought before drifting off into quiet sleep, floating in clouds of dreams.

At the same time in the little house she owned, Courtney lay on her couch, absently petting Rosie who slept at her feet. Her eyes battered open and shut as she fought to concentrate on the movie on television. Finally though her breath slowed and her chest rose and dipped softly. She also sank into the dream world.

……

The snow fell softly from the cloudy sky, resting gently on Port Charles. A beautiful blond girl carrying a beaten suitcase trudged through the park, squinting at a map, getting more soaked by the minute. At her side panted a golden retriever who bore a tag that read **Rosie**. She had a fresh face and look of hope about her that made passersby give her a second glance. Rarely did someone come to Port Charles looking for anything but trouble. She finally plopped onto a park bench and huffed, 

"Oh, Rosie, maybe we shouldn't have come to this place. I mean, maybe there's some things we're just not meant to know-like who my father is. I just wish I could find a place to sleep, at least. Then I guess it's back home for us."

She buried her head in her gloved hands with a sigh, wishing she wasn't always so impetuous. To her left she heard a voice.

"Uh, excuse me, miss but do you need some help?"

She straightened up, a look of optimism flashing across her face. She stared up at a handsome young man, dressed dangerously but appearing concerned. He kept looking back over his shoulder like he was anticipating someone or he was just really paranoid. She stood up and said,

"Actually yes, I need a place to stay but I'm pretty lost on where to find one."

"You visiting PC for pleasure?" he asked, arching an eyebrow.

"I-I actually came here to look for someone but I've changed my mind. Could you help me?"

"Well I'm kinda new in these parts too," he stammered. "But I still know a place-the Pinecone Motel is about eight miles away."

The girl stared at her shoes in embarrassment and replied,

"Actually I don't really have much money and I don't think a motel will allow Rosie here. Maybe there's some kind old lady who'll take me in for the night?"

The stranger tried not to burst into laughter at the girl's obvious naivete and just extended a hand.

"Well, my name's Zander Smith and I'll do what I can. This town isn't known for its hospitality so let me show you a place. Your name?"

"Oh! Um, Courtney Matthews. Wow, thanks-I'm really grateful."

Zander grinned over his shoulder at her as he lead her to a parked motorcycle.

"Hey don't thank me yet. Wait 'til you enjoy the transportation and see the accommodations."

Courtney looked at the bike in mixed horror and shock. Shakily taking the helmet he offered to her, she had the presence of mind to ask.

"So what are you in Port Charles for?"

"Let's just say nothing but trouble," he muttered simply but it was lost in the roar of the engine and they sped away in a cloud of snowy spindrift.

……

"I can't believe the accommodations are a barn!" Courtney exclaimed as she and Zander burst through the back door, covered in snowflakes. He laughed, throwing his backpack into a pile of hay and shaking out his longish dark hair.

"Hey I warned you fair and square, Plucky. You didn't ask for the Hilton and this is all either of us can afford."

"But we aren't affording anything! We snuck into someone's barn!" she continued, flailing her arms. "What if we get caught? This is trespassing and who knows- this farmer might just shoot us on sight!"

Zander laid in a rather fluffy hay bale, looking very amused.

"You exaggerate a lot, don't you? Hey would you rather have the alternative of freezing in that blizzard out there?"

She huffed out a 'no' and sat stiffly beside him, arms crossed protectively over her chest, Rosie laying on her lap. She asked,

"So who are you, Zander Smith?"

"What makes you think I'll tell you?" he snorted in disbelief at her gall.

"I just have a feeling," she shrugged. "Besides shouldn't we know something about each other since we're, ahem, spending the night together?"

"Hey, it's not as if we're sleeping together tonight," he chuckled. "And even then all I know is the girl's name. Maybe even only her first name."

Courtney scrutinized him closely to see if he was kidding and asked nervously,

"So you're a, um, whore of some sorts?"

Zander burst into fits of laughter and replied,

"See, I like to consider myself just a ladies man but if whore is how you wanna put it."

"No, no, I didn't mean to offend you. It just seems like that's a bad attitude to have. How will you ever find love if you don't even try to know who you sleep with?"

And who said I wanted love?" Zander snorted, cuddling deeper into the hay. "Is that what you're looking for-love?" He said the last word with a slight sneer of contempt.

Courtney's face fell and she scooted away a little bit unconsciously. Seeing the mixed embarrassment/hurt on her downcast face, he tried to lighten the mood.

"Hey, come on. Um, are you hungry? I've got some candy and stuff."

"A big tough guy like you carries around candy in his backpack," she giggled. "What are you-the Easter Bunny?"

"Hey, easy on the criticism, Plucky. Do you want some licorice or not?" 

She smiled brightly and it practically lit up the whole dark barn he noticed. Something in his stomach warmed up and twisted into fierce knots when she moved closer and reached across his lap for the candy. He watched her chew happily on a piece of red licorice and wondered how she had managed to get this far in life unscathed. She was obviously naïve and trusting, so much that she would travel with a total stranger-all because she thought his heart was in the right place. Zander wondered if his heart had ever really been in the right place before today-before he met her. He knew damn well what his intentions were when he strolled into Port Charles. He was going to do a kidnapping and then hold a ransom, maybe run off to Canada. His plans were set in stone before he'd walked into that park. Seeing Courtney there had just rooted him in his tracks. She had looked so sadly hopeful in her little white hat and matching gloves, her Lassie by her side. She looked like a little, lost girl with the snow falling on her golden hair. He hadn't even realized he'd offered his help until she looked up at him. Suddenly all his plans went out the window and his whole goal was to help this young woman. Something in his gut pulled at him when he looked at her and if his skeptical mind could fathom destiny, this would be it.

"Zander? Zander?" Courtney calling his name broke him from the reverie. "Zander, are you alright?" she asked worriedly. "You're not cold, are you? Because if you're cold, it'll make-

"Geez, you're a worrier, aren't you?" he laughed, beginning to pull a blanket from his pack. "I'm fine. I'm just gonna get some sleep, okay? You're welcome to join me."

"In sleeping? Next to you?" she wondered doubtfully.

"Oh, give me a break, Plucky. Your virtue will remain intact."

Chuckling in spite of herself, she carefully snuggled next to him under the blanket, cautious not to touch too much of him. Laying her head into the hay, she asked with a yawn.

"So why exactly do you call me, Plucky?"

Zander opened one eye and groaned,

"Well I was gonna call you 'Asks Too Many Questions' but that was too much of a mouthful. Get some sleep, will ya?"

Courtney smiled to herself and made herself comfortable. When she heard snores quickly begin to emanate from Zander's mouth, she sighed and was alone with her thoughts.


	3. Chapter 3

Courtney lay there, languidly petting Rosie and listened to the storm whistle outside and around the barn walls. She knew that she should be afraid right now, at least worried. I mean, here she was with a complete stranger in a barn they broke into while one of the snowstorms to hit New York battered outside. For some reason beyond her, she felt safe though. She trusted Zander from a deep part of her heart. He made her feel protected even though he was no better off than she was. Of course, she had made mistakes judging people's characters before. She rolled over and stared at the sleeping Zander's peaceful face; he looked like nothing more than shaggy-haired boy. What if he hadn't found her in that park and changed her mind about finding her family? Would she have found what she wanted so desperately-a place to belong, people who would love her? 

Something inside her broke and a tiny tear slid from the corner of her eyes. Why did she feel like not finding then was the best thing for her? She couldn't understand it. She sniffed as more drops followed and next to her, Zander stirred. His eyelids lifted, revealing sleepy, chocolate eyes that quickly filled with concern. He didn't ask any questions; just gently pulled her closer. His strong arms wrapped around her both shocked her and made her relax. She tipped her chin up to stare at him and asked,

"But what am I going to do now?"

Although Zander couldn't have known what she meant, he felt the words come to him, rising up from his heart. He whispered,

"You're gonna stay with me." 

At that he lowered his head and pressed his lips gently to hers. 

……

Courtney jolted awake, feet flailing and startling Rosie in the process. Confused, she glanced wildly around her living room, expecting hay and a barn and…Zander. Slowly she exhaled, the realization of it being a dream sinking in. She lay back on her couch and felt her loneliness keenly. Here in this empty house, she was constantly reminded of past dreams of a happy, safe family-dreams that never materialized. She was just as confused and lonely as when she had first come to Port Charles. She so desperately waned to try again for all those lost dreams but was too afraid. She sighed inwardly and thought before falling asleep _I hope Zander comes in again tomorrow._

……

Zander awoke with a violent start, practically falling out of his chair. He glanced around wildly as his mind left the dream world and his eyes cleared. He sat stock-still and wondered aloud.

"What the hell was that? Courtney? That wasn't how it happened."

A loud voice in his head rang like church bells and said, _But that's how it could have happened. _Zander groaned, rubbing his forehead in confusion. Damn that Courtney; it was her destiny, what if, alternate reality shit that had gave him such dreams. Calming himself down, he settled back into his chair, wishing that he could go back and change so many parts of life. So many mistakes; he wondered if he was still making them. Sleep wouldn't come again for a while, he was sure. But his last thought before dreaming again was _Maybe I'll go see Courtney tomorrow._


End file.
